Confirmation that music videos are still being made...

A message to Dolphin fans...

Let's rewind back about 14 years>>>I became a Dolphin fan in 1996, shortly after I realized that cheering for the Cowboys just made me a front runner, and just before cleveland moved its sorry franchise to baltimore..in which case I would have been a raven fan being that i'm from baltimore and all. In 1996 Dan Marino was nearing the end of his extremely prolific career, he was a statue in the pocket. The Phins went 8-8 that year, the epitimy of mediocrity. Legendary coach Don Shula retired and in came my boy from the team I formely cheered for..Jimmie Johnson. Fast forward 14 years>>>

"Fire Tony Sparano!" Am I hearing this correctly? I can't speak for the population of Dol-fans that watched the '72 team boast a perfect record in route to winning the franchises 1st of 2 Super Bowl Championships. Who I can speak for is every body else, everybody my age, who hasn't seen much more than 'middle of the road' for the last decade and a half. Let's face it guys, were not elite, we haven't been in a looong time. Definitely not in my lifetime. So where is this sudden lack of perspective coming from?

It wasn't but three years ago (2007) that the dolphins tied the record for most losses in an NFL season with 15 (a record broken by the lions a year later). Tony Sparano took over in 2008 and turned the team around completely. We went on to win our division for the first time since 2000! One of the greatest turn arounds in league history: That was 2 years ago...Flash back to the present where the dolphins are sitting at they're usual 7-6 record. While were 6-1 on the road..were 1-5 at home. Not great by any means, but a far cry from 1-15. Did we over achieve in 2008? Absolutely. Let's not forget that had Tom Brady a.k.a Mr. Perfect not gotten hurt in the first game that year, putting him out for the season, the patriots would have most likely topped our 11-5 record. The following year we came back down to earth with a 7-9 record but keep in mind we lost our offense in the middle of the year when Ronnie Brown went down with a foot injury. In theory and relative to what he was working with...Sparano's coaching tenure has been a wild success. If you don't agree with me, why don't we take a trip down memory lane and look at some of the goolish ghosts of Dolphin past...

Dave Wannstedt has had the most success of them all during my time as a fan and he just got run out the door at the University of Pittsburgh, a school whose biggest competition is UConn...plus, Wannstedt was basically doing his best Barry Switzer impression in Miami, making a name for himself due to the drafting wizardry of one Jimmie Johnson. The Dolphins defense was dominant under Wannstedt. A defense led by Sam Madison, Patrick Surtain, Zach Thomas, and Jason Taylor. All of whom were drafted by Johnson.

After a brief stint with Jim Bates we went on to hire the NCAA's hottest coach. Nick Saban. A guy who I'm convinced watched college football all day on thurdays and saturdays rather then breaking down game film. Before we even had time to thank him for acquiring Dante Culpepper rather than Drew Brees or applaud him for turning the Dolphins 2006 & 2007 drafts into a 'who's who?' of SEC football..he was on a bus towards Alabama to coach the Tide.

"Fire Tony Sparano!" 'Cause the grass is always greener on the other side..well, is it? To know where you're headed, you've got to know where you've been...and we've been mediocre at best. So let's all take a deep breath and appreciate a job well done from a guy who will likely bring us success here in the near future.

Simply the best...

GO 4 IT!

Warning: This gets awfully cheezy so if you're not ready for your eggs to be sunny side up this morning I suggest you stop reading now.

...2010 has been a trip. Easily one of the best if not the best year of my life. I made a commitment to myself at the beginning of the year to just fail. That simple, my New Years resolution was to fail. If you fail it means you tried and you don't have to live with regret. I am alwaaaays holding myself back, just assuming I can't do something or thinking it will be too difficult, or that I'll make an ass of myself. Well who cares. I went for it this year...for everything, and I love myself for it...

I thought of this the other day: I truely believe you can judge you're happiness based on what the 10 year old version of you would think if they saw you now. No one knew how to be happier than 10 year old you. Now thats not to say that you should play in the mudd or use jokes like 'i know you are but what am i?' but 10 year old you probably had life more figured out then, then you do now.

Just a thought.

Not sure how those thoughts came together but they did...just how my brain works.

Top 10 Thursday Edition

THINGS that need a comeback...

10. POGS
9. THE SAYING: THE BOMB.COM
8. BEEPERS
7. CITRA (the soda)
6. FIELD DAY
5. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
4. ZEBRA PRINT PANTS
3. NSYNC
2. PHONE BOOTHS
1. CHEAP GAS

Dream Big

I just slept for 18 hours...I feel like Charlie's grandparents from those Wonka books. I'm still checking for bed sores______Allow me to explain what preceded that massive underscore. I just finished broadcasting school and right out of the gate I was given a tremendous opportunity to be the lone intern for a brand new sports talk morning show on 740 am (the local fox sports affiliate). I can not stress enough how exciting this is and how much this could benefit my future career. This could and hopefully will open up many doors for me in the years to come. Back to the underscore...The show starts at 6am..I have to be there at 5am..I live approximately 30 min. away..therefore if i want to shower and eat breakfast I have to set my alarm for 4am. No problem, not complaining...not at all. It's really not even that bad, no traffic at that time, the studio has a coffee maker that makes delicious cappuccinos (although they are suspiciously awesome and I bet they are terrible for you). I'm happy, I'm grateful, but the reason why I decided to share this is because I'm tired...at least I was 30 dreams ago.

Cliffhanger

Is it possible to be jaded by 19 followers? I guess, boy how that got to my head fast. I act like I’m google’s most searched human…I became so concerned with entertaining the less than handful of people that may or may not even read this blog that I forgot why I starting writing in the first place…I love people, I especially love people who would take time out of their day to read my random non-sense but I never did this for that. I just want to talk about sports, random goings on of the day, and boogers. So let’s hit the restart button on this banana hammock and discuss some boogers…

How am I supposed to react to someone having a booger stuck on their face? I know it sounds gross but these are the real issues I’m discussing here. If you don’t confront the problem immediately it only becomes more awkward, as if it weren’t awkward enough. It’s not like that little factoid fits in to any particular conversation “Oh really? I didn’t realize that oranges only grew in November, by the way you have a giant booger on your face.”…if you don’t bring it up in minute one of a conversation but decide to bring it up at minute six, the boogered face person is going to know that you’ve been staring at it. They know that you’ve been having your own personal melt down about whether or not to say anything, rendering the last five minutes of your conversation meaningless. I truly don’t know how to handle these situations when life presents them to me, so please, blow your nose.

Fact of the day

"Real fact" #917

The average lead pencil can draw a line 35 miles long or write roughly 50,000 English words.

Good game...Better game..

I love how baseball has to play out 162 games over 183 days (roughly 7 months) to tell me something that I already knew. The Yankees and the Phillies are the best teams in baseball, we knew that in April and it’s still obvious closing in on October. I love baseball but the season reminds me of that guy or girl that we all run into that starts to tell you a story, you see where its going within the first two sentences, yet he or she still proceeds to share every mind numbing detail with you…then to your amazement the story ends as predicted and you look down at your cell phone only to learn you’re life just became 15 minutes shorter. That’s baseball. This is one of the reasons I appreciate the NFL so much. You go into the season thinking maybe the Saints can repeat but you don’t know…you think to yourself the Colts are always good right…but then they get bashed by the Texans. By week 2 you’re left looking at 2-0 Chiefs and Buccaneers teams and you can only say to yourself…wtf. I love you baseball but just get to the point.

Holler...glad to be back.

Jersey Shore

I think if I had a Jersey Shore name it would either be 'The Dilema' or 'The Event'

Relevant Rap Lyric of the Day...

"I'm tryin' to right my wrongs but it's funny those same wrongs help me write this song"

Armageddon

I bet if the Geico caveman knew that the dinosaurs were going extinct he would have taken a photo with his I phone “b.c.”_I’ve noticed recently that a lot of frozen yogurt shops have been opening up in outdoor malls and town centers all across Florida recently, which is great because its 500 degrees outside. It’s so hot that my eyeballs sweat. Only one problem, for every frozen yogurt place that opens up…one Cold Stone Creamery closes down. I’m sure this trend is going to catch on like silly bands and swoop across America, especially with everyone being all health conscious these days. It’s the beginning of the end for Cold Stone. Gone will be the days of remixing birthday cake and funny jingles that only cost you a dollar. Don’t be like the cavemen from yester year. Get yourself a Gatta have it size cup of mashed vanilla ice cream smashed with Butterfingers, Oreo’s, and gummy bears while you still can…tip those sad high school kids a buck and be serenaded for one last time. Do it before it’s too late and don’t say you haven’t been warned. You’ll thank me one day.

Fact of The Day...

Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of a blue whale..ay oh!

The Top 8

Ahhh the good old days, remember the top 8 feature on MySpace. It seems like ages ago when that was a “big deal”…I’m not sure we can classify it an archaic creature just yet because people could very well still be using myspace but if so, I am not aware of it. That’s so 2008 (valley girl voice). So yeah, the top 8. You had to have one because if you didn’t you’re basically admitting that you hate people. This is where Facebook got it right, Facebook allows us to go ahead and have 500 friends (4 of which you actually talk to) and don’t worry about ranking them as if this were an episode of TRL “Mary should be #1 cause she’s the best wooooooooo!”. No. This top 8 concept was doomed to fail and was most likely what lead to the demise of myspace. I know for me, my top 8 friends are interchangeable daily and I don’t have the kind of time to be editing my list on a daily basis. One day #8 picks up the tab at lunch while #5 doesn’t call you because they’re in a new relationship. #4 could step on a pair of my new white shoes while #7 grabs me a Twix from inside the gas station without me even having to ask. Maybe #3 doesn’t call you on your birthday, while #6 paints you a portrait of Optimus Prime dunking on Andre the Giant. I don’t have the energy to generate friendship power rankings that frequently and I know what your thinking, “the simple solution would be not to do it”…True but your friends should get the credit they deserve or don’t deserve. So, thank you Facebook for allowing me to keep my list of top friends anonymous. Thank you for allowing me to go throughout life without offending my 9th favorite person or causing controversy among the “interchangeable” 8. This has been my food for thought, stay classy San Diego.

Playing the Name Game

I’m distracted. I haven’t forgotten about this blog thing but everytime I turn on my computer I find my self in the middle of a mock draft on cbssportsline.com or reading reports about how good Mike Wallace can really be now that Santonio Holmes is no longer the Steelers #2 receiver. That…coupled with new episodes of the Jersey Shore make for a distracted Brandon. All that said, what I really want to do is write a 9 page post about potential sleepers and busts in this upcoming fantasy draft but I can’t reveal my thoughts until after I draft this Sunday just in case people from my league are spying on me. Draft prep aside there is one thing that is commonly overlooked but is an integral part of any fantasy owner’s success…your team name. Here are a few names that could very well take your team from meek to mighty:

Whiskey Lou’s
The Other Jonas
Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab Facility
Annie’s Boobs
The Bushwackers
Daddy Day Care
It’s Pronounced Awesome
What It Is?
The Decision
The Kardashian’s Lovers
One Man Wolfpack
Throwing Bowe’s
BayBrees’
Time to Make the Donuts
Harvin’s Headaches
Space Invader Mustard Sandwich

Oil Spiller
Obamanation
New York Jetson’s
Urine Trouble
My Vick in a Box
Suzy Kolber’s Make Out Partner

Breaking the Seal

Nooo not that Seal. I’m talking about the ‘seal’. There are many myths floating around this world…myths like big foot, the madden curse, or the myth that the loc ness monster doesn’t exist (cause he does). Some may be true, so may not be, that’s up to the fine folks on Myth Busters to decide. One myth that can’t even constitute as a myth at all because it’s just not true is the idea that if you are drinking and get the urge to tinkle, that you should hold it in because you’ll ‘break the seal’. Horse crap, it’s called having to pee. It happens to all of us, it especially happens to us when we’ve downed SIX beers. That’s 72 ounces of pee inducing liquid, no sh*t you have to pee. Your bladder only hold X amount of liquid and I bet it’s in the ball park of 70 ounces. The mentality behind NOT breaking the seal is that once you pee, you then have to go at a very frequent rate. Again, no sh*t…it’s probably because your working your way towards another 72 ounces that your mortal bladder doesn’t want to and can’t hold. Alcohol relaxes your muscles and being that your bladder is a muscle that X that used to equal around 70oz. is looking more like 45 to 50oz. about now. So don’t buy into the hype or give in to the peer pressure of holding it in. If you have to pee, that’s natural and like Nike says “Just do it”.

***Keep in mind that none of this is even nearly factual so feel free to re-post this on Wikipedia.

Bee Yourself

Happy Birthday to Me

Today I turn 25, a quarter of a century. Pretty big deal. I remember just yesterday I was failing my first driving test, and the day before that, I was getting my head checked for lice outside of Mrs. Morrison’s class in elementary school. Times flies and with that, so do some activities. So, in the spirit of being one monumental year older I have compiled a list of things that I am now officially too old to do. Some of you will say that I was already too old to do some of these activities, I respectfully disagree. But, now that I am 25 it is a slam dunk case…I am too old to do the following:

1) Get Slimed on Nickelodeon
2) Eat Flinstone vitamins
3) Jump in a bounce house
4) Be on an MTV reality show
5) Catch Beiber fever
6) Finish the Legends of The Hidden Temple Maze
7) Discuss my odd attraction to Miley Cyrus
8) Own a Tamagatchi
9) Put grenadine in any of my beverages
10) Go streaking
11) Get excited about the ice cream truck
12) Sleep on a bunk bed
13) Sleep on a water bed
14) Go to a college bar
15) Have 2 consecutive shots of Jagermeister
16) Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol
17) Over use of the word ‘dude’
18) Wear super hero underwear
19) Climb a tree without provocation of a bear
20) Wake up at 3 in the afternoon
21) Go trick or treating
22) Get in bar fights
23) Text the abbreviation omg
24) Strap my wrists with silly bands
25) Urinate in public

Fact of The Day...

A pineapple is neither an apple or a pine. It is, in fact, a large berry. - Courtesy of a delicious peach tea Snapple.

Better Armstrong?

Which is the better Armstrong..Lance or Stretch?

Toughy I know. We better disect this in order to come out with a true victor. Lance was born in ’71 while Stretch didn’t grace our presence on this earth until ’78, clearly giving Strecth the advantage when it comes to youth. However, Lance has won 12 Grand Tours (not that I need to tell you, obviously you’ve watched them) which means his endurance and stamina is unparalled. Conditioning Edge..Lance Armstrong.

Disabilities can ravage an athlete and none has had it worse than Lance Armstong. Lance was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1996, but Lance being the consimate professional that he is made a valliant comeback in 1998. Lance showed a great deal of testicular fortitude (for lack of a better phrase) in his return to competition. Stretch on the other hand has never been diagnosed with any major ailments. However, anyone who has ever owned a Stretch Armstrong would tell you that the questionable gooey gel that spewed from his body when you would stretch him too far would always, without fail, spelled his doom for the lil' guy if you couldn’t get him patched up in time. Overcoming Adveristy Edge…Stretch Armstrong

Longevity is the quality in an athlete or action figure that can take him/her from great to legendary. For Strecth Armstrong, he had a solid run for about 16 years, invading households across the nation…spewing his gel across throw rugs all over America, until he quickly fizzled out of the mainstream. He left an indedible mark on our nations culture, one that should not be soon forgotten. In fact, everyone’s favorite boy turned puppy Taylor Launter will be playing him in a movie coming out sometime next year. While all of that is magnificent and impressive, Sir Lance Armstrong has been riding his bicycle for over 23 years! And I’m not talking about when he first got on a trike bike, I’m talking competitve bicycle riding (its hard to say that with a straight face). Lance dominated bike riding for the better part of 2 decades until this last Tour De France where he came in 7th or 42nd or something, who knows, no one watches. So, the natural choice in this final segment of the debate should be Lance Armstrong…curveball! I can not award Lance the victory due to allegations about possible drug use. PED’S are not tolerated on this blog site and therefore Lance is disqualified, giving non-other than Stretch Armstrong the decisive victory as better Armstrong.

Thought of The Day...

Pittsburgh Pirates fans should wear eye patches to baseball games. That should be a thing.

My Humps..my humps my humps my humps

Fantasy Question Answered

Who is the most overrated player in this years draft?

To me it’s without question Ryan Matthews, rookie out of Fresno State. Matthews was taken 12th overall in the NFL draft by the San Diego Chargers, who desperately needed help at that position once the washed up L.T. packed his things and moved to New York. Matthews is projected as the starting running back coming into this season, placing him one roster spot above emerging talent Darren Sproles. Sproles is one of the fastest backs in the league but at the same time he’s tiny and can’t carry the load for 20 reps a game. That’s where Ryan Matthews value comes into play. Whenever you can get your hands on a running back that doesn’t have to split carries too much and is going to be used as a ‘workhorse’ back, you should. Here is my problem, its not that he doesn’t have value, its that he is wayyyy over valued. I see him going in the early second round in mock drafts and even the NFL network has him ranked 12th overall, above guys like Randy Moss, Larry Fitzgerald, Steven Jackson, DeAngelo Williams, and so forth. I could go on for days about why each one of these guys is a smarter pick than Matthews but let’s just go with Steven Jackson. Its simple, Steven Jackson was one 2,000 yard rusher (Chris Johnson) away from leading the league in rushing last year. Straight and to the point, if you find yourself staring down the barrel of who to take…go with the proven player who has actually put up consistent over his time in the league. One final point, the Chargers are a passing team where the ball goes through Philip Rivers not their ground game…just ask Tomlinson. I’m not saying don’t take him but I almost guarantee that he will be taken too early, let someone else make that mistake.

Thank you

When I started writing on this site I never really intended on anyone reading it to be quite honest. I had hoped someone would stumble on it eventually but that really wasn’t the focus. With that said, I think the fact that several people have read it is the coolest thing in the world…I appreciate you all stopping by to read by non-sensical randomness, all 17 of ya. No lie, that to me is an astronomical number…special thanks to my cousin Ian. You’re the man.

6 Steps To Making a Quality Mix

This is a ridiculous (but incredibly accurate) synopsis describing the best way to maximize your very own cd making potential. I just found this 6 step process in the archives of my old MySpace page, thats right, MySpace. So, I dusted off this two year old gem for all to enjoy. Grab a notepad this may change your life.

6 Steps to making a quality mix cd
1. Consider whether you want the mix to convey a certain emotion or message. Pick music that you like and appreciate. How much you enjoy making the mix will be apparent in the final package.
2. Don't always focus on a genre and a theme. Putting widely different tracks in a compilation can add contrast for the listener.
3. Be flexible. Collect a set of tracks as a rough draft for the CD with the expectation you may decide not to include some of them.
4. Play around with the arrangement of the tracks. Think of the mix tape as a prolonged listening experience. You don't want the listener to get bored or skip songs. The first few tracks should grab the listener and get their attention. Group slower or softer songs together and then gradually build up momentum to more upbeat songs. A fast/heavy song might not go well after a soft, acoustic one.
5. Finalize your track arrangement and listen to the version a few times, making necessary adjustments. Feel free to remove some tracks and add others. It's possible that you may realize new tracks you'd like to add late in the process.
6. Burn the CD

5 Things...

1. The Real World is still on.

2. Exactly 1 month and 10 days after the I phone 4g was released…the oil spill in the Gulf was plugged. The government must be reading my blog.

3. Chad Ochocinco stole all of Ray J’s girlfriends.

4. Leonardo Dicaprio is apparently still alive despite a horrible boating accident some time ago.

5. “R136a1, a star hundreds of times the mass of our sun and millions of times brighter, was spotted in a star-making nebula some 22,000 light-years away.” Says Yahoo!...2 things about this: 1..That is a horrible name for a star and 2..I bet the people that live in that galaxy have really good tans.

'Fast' Edddie

Allow me to share with you a peculiar anecdote of an old man. I recently helped someone move named ‘Fast’ Eddie (named sarcastically for his extreme lack of speed). I met Fast Eddie earlier that day sitting all by himself at a local bar. This man couldn’t have been a day younger than 88. No lie, this guy was but one wrong sneeze away from sleeping amongst the flowers. So, when he asked me to help him move I couldn't really say anything but yes. Oh p.s. I’ll keep this story short and sweet since I’m watching an episode of Entourage and while normally they're lack of commercials wouldn’t be a problem, I am currently without a Tivo box. I digress… Due to Eddie's age I was curious as to why he was moving anywhere other than a nursing home. As it turns out, Eddie recently divorced his wife of around 40 years. When I heard this my jaw slammed to the floor…you’re telling me that this pleasant man who cant have but 5 years left on this earth told his wife of forty years “screw this I cant take it anymore, I’m out!” That has to be the most glorious thing I have ever heard. Now, I’m not speaking as an advocate of divorce or a hater of marriage, in fact I’m neither. I believe divorce should only happen when all other options have been exhausted. Being that he was 88ish I assume he'd been thinking this over for a while. What I find so wonderful about this scenario is that this man took a firm stand to make himself happy sooo far in to his life. The easy decision would have been just to stick out his marriage for the rest of his days. Talk about living everyday like it was your last...This man is my hero; it doesn’t matter if your 12 or 88, ultimately we should always do what makes us happy. Enjoy life in the fast lane Eddie. Back to Entourage.

Hear No Evil

Much of my life is sugar coated with my own optimistic attitude…Not today. I present you with an age old question that I also asked myself, is ignorance bliss? Being a sugary sweet diabetic coma of an optimist, I suppose I should say yes. If the answer to a question is either blissful or terrible an optimist should go with the first one. Not making sense yet? Gotcha. It seems as though ignorance is only blissful when you’re 2 years old or younger, once you’re old enough to figure things out…to put puzzle pieces together, true ignorance goes out the window. Once you KNOW something it’s hard to UN-know it, sure you can shield yourself by never finding out the truth but that’s not ignorance, that’s just denial. You can avoid the truth by ignoring it but eventually your imagination will grab hold and probably make it even worse. To general for ya? Gotcha. Point is, if a dog is pissing on my leg, don’t tell me its raining…ignorance sucks more then reality does most of the time, might as well just deal with it. Life isn't going to get any easier just because you stopped paying attention. See, right when you thought I was going to paint my hair black and buy tickets to a Marilyn Manson concert, BOOM! Optimism shines through…quite the one paragraph rollercoaster ride if I do say so myself.

The rich get richer...

... and the poor write blogs…I’ve taken more time off in between posts than I wanted to and its really just due to a lack of content that I feel like is worth discussing. When I started writing this my bank account was so meek that homeless people felt bad for me. Not that I’m making it rain these days or anything but I have pulled my self from the deepest depths of flat broke. Point is, I had an epiphany, I realized how much easier it is to write when you’re broke…I mean of course being broke sucks but my ideas were limitless. Seems like now that I can afford to go to Chipotle everyday for lunch my mind is at ease, but I’m at a loss for words. I guess you could say the small amount of funds that I do have has bought my silence. I guess this is why wealthy people tend to not write auto-biographies. This has been my food for thought so chew it up, digest it and I will try to keep my income level down. Good day.

It's a bird, it's a plane...

I, like many sports fans my age watch SportsCenter on repeat 2 or 3 times in a day and if you’re like me you’re probably tired of seeing segments on Brett Favre’s not so questionable return to the NFL. Possibly you’re sick of mid-season baseball highlights or coverage of Tiger Wood’s transgressions in the bedroom and his equally embarrassing performance on the golf course. Either way you slice it I can’t thank the NBA enough for coming to the rescue and providing some spectacular theatre during this lull in sports.

So many questions are left to be answered but at the center of this free agency storm is Lebron James, the man the entire city of Cleveland is depending on. Is he going to let down millions (and millions) of the most helpless/pathetic sports fans on the planet? Leaving the people of Cleveland nothing to cheer for but the scraps Lebron left behind on the Cavs and a football franchise that is so sad it doesn’t even have a logo…Lebron would not be the first mega star to leave a city that so richly depended on him. Plenty of players have abandoned the team that they filled with hope for several years only to try and go on to bigger and better things. Shaq did it to the Magic, Griffey did it to the Mariners, and A-Rod did it to the Rangers. While Lebron might not walk on water anytime soon or even lower gas prices in any given city, he is still going to make a big splash wherever he lands. Hell, he might even boost the economy.

NBA owners know what type of impact he can have on not only a team but a city and that’s why everyone who has any money to offer is going to offer it to this guy, I even heard Team Edward is putting together a lucrative offer for the ball player. I’m just glad that finally, for the first time, the Yankees aren’t going to grab the biggest free agent on the market…Bron Bron is going to be facing a ton of pressure wherever he goes, pressure to finally live up to the outrageous hype put on him coming out of high school. It is rather fitting that he is changing his number to 6 because that’s exactly how many titles he is going to need to win to be thought of as the next best thing since Michael Jordan.

Because I couldn't think of 10...

The I don’t get it top 9:

9. Decaff coffee-Drinking decaffeinated coffee is like sleeping on a pillow case..But just the pillow case. What is the point?

8. Haters-People who think they have “haters” are ridiculous. Could it be that maybe you’re just not likeable?

7. Stoppage time in soccer-Calm down soccer snob I get what stoppage time is but it’s stupid. It’s bad enough that soccer is the only sport in which the clock counts up but when that’s finished the referee says “stay on the field for umm I don’t know 4 minutes or so and I’ll just end the game when I’m ready”.

6. Bumper stickers on 40,000 dollar cars-I don’t really get bumper stickers period but I guess if you want to try to pimp out your Corolla with a Coexist sticker to each his own. I just don’t get why you would ruin a perfectly good BMW with a mini promotion of how well your 7 year old is doing in grade school.

5. O’Doul’s (see #9)

4. Iphone 4- how is it that this world is on its 4th version of the iphone but no one can figure out how to plug a hole in an oil drum.
3. Why Alex Trebek still asks these Jeopardy contestants questions about their life…they are never interesting…not once, not ever.

2. People with unibrows-shave that sh*t.

1. Pennies-why do they still make those? I’m as "Jewey" as they come and not even I will waste my energy on bending down to grab one off the floor…unless its heads up of course.

Technical Knockout

Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything…I’ve got a new one, how about; stand for everything and eventually you’ll fall for something. I cant get over how stupid a black eye looks, I’m supposed to wear this thing like a badge of honor but it looks more like a medal of stupidity…an overwhelming belief that I’m some type of hero…that maybe just maybe I’ve been bitten by something radioactive and haven’t realized it yet. I guess it takes being clocked in the face by a random a-hole of the night to make you realize you can’t save everybody, nor should you try. Fact is, Danny Glover said it best “Im getting to old for this sh**”. I’m out of the game, so from now on its all you 2010 twenty-one year olds…enjoy your shots of jager, random black eyes, and the inevitable feeling of “what am I doing with my life”. Godspeed.

Zee Swatting

Just as I am shutting down after a long day and my thoughts are being put to rest for the evening, all that remains is the constant tick tock coming from my bright red clock perched above my bed, a song begins to circulate in my head. It takes at least one if not two hours just to fall asleep at night when this happens. It precedes bad dreams. It’s borderline nauseating. The song stuck in the deepest cavern of my brain is on a non stop loop. The only possible relief is to sing that song aloud but just like tub thumping or any song from the Spice Girls, nobody around you wants to hear it. Singing a song as a remedy to rid yourself of a pesky mental 8-track is a myth anyway, who is to say that serenading unwilling individuals with your worthless crap of a song would even work. Your best bet is to just lie down, count the sheep, and hope to G-D that the song rotting your brain becomes dull enough to catch some Z’s. Good night America.

2010 Fantasy Guide

It’s about that time again this year to start thinking about fantasy football. This year is interesting; it seems as if the last few seasons have been dominated by quarterbacks and wide receivers while running backs took a “back seat”. Running backs are making a strong comeback with possibly 8 of the top 10 players in the league. Expect to see a quick run off of running backs at the beginning of the draft. Outside of guys like Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, and Andre Johnson I would be shocked to see anybody else but guys at the running back position flying off the board. Don’t let that fool you however; if your league rewards wide receivers with a point per reception (PPR) then the final scores last season would suggest that receivers are more valuable than running backs. In fact 76% of the top 30 players at flex positions (rb, wr, te) were receivers.
The wr position is very deep this season which is why it is not imperative to snatch a wide out immediately like last year. Plenty of wr’s will fall in the draft, successful ones at that, guys like Donald Driver, Hines Ward, and Mike Sims-Walker who after one year as the #1 guy in Jacksonville has a better grasp of the system and should continue produce. As far as qb’s go the 2 I mentioned before are more than reliable options, Drew Brees is a model of consistency and accuracy while Aaron Rodgers is coming off a season where he was the #1 quarterback in fantasy. Chances are these guys won’t be around unless you go after them real early. Everyone knew what Drew Brees was capable of going into last season and he still slipped to many people in the 3rd round of the draft, not that many people are going to make that mistake this year. QB’s that will likely be there in the early third round that are worth giving a look are Peyton Manning, Phillip Rivers, Tony Romo, and Tom Brady.
Selecting your first player can be difficult; there is a lot of pressure to hit a home run with your pick in the first round because it sets the tone for the rest of your team. Every season will bring its share of disappointments in the first round but you have a good chance of selecting someone who can live up to the hype. Let’s take a look at a general consensus of what the first round looked like last season.
Round 1:
1. Adrian Peterson rb
2. Maurice Jones-Drew rb
3. Matt Forte rb
4. Steve Slaton rb
5. Michael Turner rb
6. Steven Jackson rb
7. Chris Johnson rb
8. DeAngelo Williams rb
9. Drew Brees qb
10. Frank Gore rb
11. Larry Fitzgerald wr
12.Andre Johnson wr
Give or take some of the draft slots this is what a typical 12 team first round looked like. Some guys did exactly what we expected (MJD), some guys under performed but were still fantasy gold (A.P.), and others completely tanked (Steve Slaton). Now, while Adrian Peterson didn’t do what everyone expected him to do he still crushed most other running backs in points this year (A.P. was 4th overall in points for rb’s in 2009). MJD was strong and will again be a top 3 pick in most 2010 drafts. Matt Forte and Steve Slaton were the only 2 major let downs from last years first round. Forte is no better than a 6th or 7th round draft pick this year and Slaton might not even get drafted. Michael Turner didn’t do what all the hype told us he was going to do but a lot of fantasy experts see big things coming from him this year, Turner is still projected to go in the top 5 of most drafts. Turner definitely has the talent, supporting cast, and offensive scheme to be a successful running back in this league. Do I even need to talk about what Chris Johnson did? He should be the #1 pick in every draft this year no question. Larry Fitzgerald falls under the same category as A.P., as he didn’t do badly but he just didn’t put up the numbers that were expected of him. Larry Fitz was still a top 6 wr in ’09. Those are two guys that fell victim to high expectations. What you can take away from this going into this years draft is tailor back some of your expectations towards these “sexy” picks. As I said before, every season will bring its share of disappointments but you have a good chance of selecting someone who can produce first round type numbers. Only 3 or 4 players out of 12 didn’t deserve to be drafted anywhere near the first round. I’ll take those odds going into the 2010 draft.

Time to make the donuts...

Lemonade Stand

Why so serious? Like the Joker from Batman (minus the creepiness) I often find myself pondering this question…. Not that I think people should walk around like there are in an E harmony commercial, saying “I don’t take myself too seriously” but the reality is that so many people are wrapped up in their own little bubble of a world that they fail to gain perspective on the small things. My late grandfather once told me “I cried cause I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet” a quote I will carry with me forever. Why is it that we find ourselves so immersed in the aspects of life that bog us down? We let things affect us to the point that we might write a blog about it. What’s next? Maybe we’ll throw on a Jack Johnson cd, get into our pj’s, and reminisce about how good things used to be. I blame TMZ, MTV Cribs, and the whole Kardashian family. Big word up to old school hip-hop and don’t forget to eat your vegetables.

Insert entrance music here...

Created a blog today…apparently Word is not familiar with term blog yet as it places a red squiggly line under the word. Point is, my friend gave me some great advice that this may be quite therapeutic to write down and share some of the random/thought provoking/personal aspects of my life…I guess we’ll see. I call it food for thought because I literally want to feed your brain, with non-sense mostly. Consider me the upside down building of blog sites…aesthetically pleasing but once you walk in your left wondering why you’re here.