Because I couldn't think of 10...

The I don’t get it top 9:

9. Decaff coffee-Drinking decaffeinated coffee is like sleeping on a pillow case..But just the pillow case. What is the point?

8. Haters-People who think they have “haters” are ridiculous. Could it be that maybe you’re just not likeable?

7. Stoppage time in soccer-Calm down soccer snob I get what stoppage time is but it’s stupid. It’s bad enough that soccer is the only sport in which the clock counts up but when that’s finished the referee says “stay on the field for umm I don’t know 4 minutes or so and I’ll just end the game when I’m ready”.

6. Bumper stickers on 40,000 dollar cars-I don’t really get bumper stickers period but I guess if you want to try to pimp out your Corolla with a Coexist sticker to each his own. I just don’t get why you would ruin a perfectly good BMW with a mini promotion of how well your 7 year old is doing in grade school.

5. O’Doul’s (see #9)

4. Iphone 4- how is it that this world is on its 4th version of the iphone but no one can figure out how to plug a hole in an oil drum.
3. Why Alex Trebek still asks these Jeopardy contestants questions about their life…they are never interesting…not once, not ever.

2. People with unibrows-shave that sh*t.

1. Pennies-why do they still make those? I’m as "Jewey" as they come and not even I will waste my energy on bending down to grab one off the floor…unless its heads up of course.

Technical Knockout

Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything…I’ve got a new one, how about; stand for everything and eventually you’ll fall for something. I cant get over how stupid a black eye looks, I’m supposed to wear this thing like a badge of honor but it looks more like a medal of stupidity…an overwhelming belief that I’m some type of hero…that maybe just maybe I’ve been bitten by something radioactive and haven’t realized it yet. I guess it takes being clocked in the face by a random a-hole of the night to make you realize you can’t save everybody, nor should you try. Fact is, Danny Glover said it best “Im getting to old for this sh**”. I’m out of the game, so from now on its all you 2010 twenty-one year olds…enjoy your shots of jager, random black eyes, and the inevitable feeling of “what am I doing with my life”. Godspeed.

Zee Swatting

Just as I am shutting down after a long day and my thoughts are being put to rest for the evening, all that remains is the constant tick tock coming from my bright red clock perched above my bed, a song begins to circulate in my head. It takes at least one if not two hours just to fall asleep at night when this happens. It precedes bad dreams. It’s borderline nauseating. The song stuck in the deepest cavern of my brain is on a non stop loop. The only possible relief is to sing that song aloud but just like tub thumping or any song from the Spice Girls, nobody around you wants to hear it. Singing a song as a remedy to rid yourself of a pesky mental 8-track is a myth anyway, who is to say that serenading unwilling individuals with your worthless crap of a song would even work. Your best bet is to just lie down, count the sheep, and hope to G-D that the song rotting your brain becomes dull enough to catch some Z’s. Good night America.

2010 Fantasy Guide

It’s about that time again this year to start thinking about fantasy football. This year is interesting; it seems as if the last few seasons have been dominated by quarterbacks and wide receivers while running backs took a “back seat”. Running backs are making a strong comeback with possibly 8 of the top 10 players in the league. Expect to see a quick run off of running backs at the beginning of the draft. Outside of guys like Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, and Andre Johnson I would be shocked to see anybody else but guys at the running back position flying off the board. Don’t let that fool you however; if your league rewards wide receivers with a point per reception (PPR) then the final scores last season would suggest that receivers are more valuable than running backs. In fact 76% of the top 30 players at flex positions (rb, wr, te) were receivers.
The wr position is very deep this season which is why it is not imperative to snatch a wide out immediately like last year. Plenty of wr’s will fall in the draft, successful ones at that, guys like Donald Driver, Hines Ward, and Mike Sims-Walker who after one year as the #1 guy in Jacksonville has a better grasp of the system and should continue produce. As far as qb’s go the 2 I mentioned before are more than reliable options, Drew Brees is a model of consistency and accuracy while Aaron Rodgers is coming off a season where he was the #1 quarterback in fantasy. Chances are these guys won’t be around unless you go after them real early. Everyone knew what Drew Brees was capable of going into last season and he still slipped to many people in the 3rd round of the draft, not that many people are going to make that mistake this year. QB’s that will likely be there in the early third round that are worth giving a look are Peyton Manning, Phillip Rivers, Tony Romo, and Tom Brady.
Selecting your first player can be difficult; there is a lot of pressure to hit a home run with your pick in the first round because it sets the tone for the rest of your team. Every season will bring its share of disappointments in the first round but you have a good chance of selecting someone who can live up to the hype. Let’s take a look at a general consensus of what the first round looked like last season.
Round 1:
1. Adrian Peterson rb
2. Maurice Jones-Drew rb
3. Matt Forte rb
4. Steve Slaton rb
5. Michael Turner rb
6. Steven Jackson rb
7. Chris Johnson rb
8. DeAngelo Williams rb
9. Drew Brees qb
10. Frank Gore rb
11. Larry Fitzgerald wr
12.Andre Johnson wr
Give or take some of the draft slots this is what a typical 12 team first round looked like. Some guys did exactly what we expected (MJD), some guys under performed but were still fantasy gold (A.P.), and others completely tanked (Steve Slaton). Now, while Adrian Peterson didn’t do what everyone expected him to do he still crushed most other running backs in points this year (A.P. was 4th overall in points for rb’s in 2009). MJD was strong and will again be a top 3 pick in most 2010 drafts. Matt Forte and Steve Slaton were the only 2 major let downs from last years first round. Forte is no better than a 6th or 7th round draft pick this year and Slaton might not even get drafted. Michael Turner didn’t do what all the hype told us he was going to do but a lot of fantasy experts see big things coming from him this year, Turner is still projected to go in the top 5 of most drafts. Turner definitely has the talent, supporting cast, and offensive scheme to be a successful running back in this league. Do I even need to talk about what Chris Johnson did? He should be the #1 pick in every draft this year no question. Larry Fitzgerald falls under the same category as A.P., as he didn’t do badly but he just didn’t put up the numbers that were expected of him. Larry Fitz was still a top 6 wr in ’09. Those are two guys that fell victim to high expectations. What you can take away from this going into this years draft is tailor back some of your expectations towards these “sexy” picks. As I said before, every season will bring its share of disappointments but you have a good chance of selecting someone who can produce first round type numbers. Only 3 or 4 players out of 12 didn’t deserve to be drafted anywhere near the first round. I’ll take those odds going into the 2010 draft.

Time to make the donuts...

Lemonade Stand

Why so serious? Like the Joker from Batman (minus the creepiness) I often find myself pondering this question…. Not that I think people should walk around like there are in an E harmony commercial, saying “I don’t take myself too seriously” but the reality is that so many people are wrapped up in their own little bubble of a world that they fail to gain perspective on the small things. My late grandfather once told me “I cried cause I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet” a quote I will carry with me forever. Why is it that we find ourselves so immersed in the aspects of life that bog us down? We let things affect us to the point that we might write a blog about it. What’s next? Maybe we’ll throw on a Jack Johnson cd, get into our pj’s, and reminisce about how good things used to be. I blame TMZ, MTV Cribs, and the whole Kardashian family. Big word up to old school hip-hop and don’t forget to eat your vegetables.

Insert entrance music here...

Created a blog today…apparently Word is not familiar with term blog yet as it places a red squiggly line under the word. Point is, my friend gave me some great advice that this may be quite therapeutic to write down and share some of the random/thought provoking/personal aspects of my life…I guess we’ll see. I call it food for thought because I literally want to feed your brain, with non-sense mostly. Consider me the upside down building of blog sites…aesthetically pleasing but once you walk in your left wondering why you’re here.