Fact of The Day...

Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of a blue whale..ay oh!

The Top 8

Ahhh the good old days, remember the top 8 feature on MySpace. It seems like ages ago when that was a “big deal”…I’m not sure we can classify it an archaic creature just yet because people could very well still be using myspace but if so, I am not aware of it. That’s so 2008 (valley girl voice). So yeah, the top 8. You had to have one because if you didn’t you’re basically admitting that you hate people. This is where Facebook got it right, Facebook allows us to go ahead and have 500 friends (4 of which you actually talk to) and don’t worry about ranking them as if this were an episode of TRL “Mary should be #1 cause she’s the best wooooooooo!”. No. This top 8 concept was doomed to fail and was most likely what lead to the demise of myspace. I know for me, my top 8 friends are interchangeable daily and I don’t have the kind of time to be editing my list on a daily basis. One day #8 picks up the tab at lunch while #5 doesn’t call you because they’re in a new relationship. #4 could step on a pair of my new white shoes while #7 grabs me a Twix from inside the gas station without me even having to ask. Maybe #3 doesn’t call you on your birthday, while #6 paints you a portrait of Optimus Prime dunking on Andre the Giant. I don’t have the energy to generate friendship power rankings that frequently and I know what your thinking, “the simple solution would be not to do it”…True but your friends should get the credit they deserve or don’t deserve. So, thank you Facebook for allowing me to keep my list of top friends anonymous. Thank you for allowing me to go throughout life without offending my 9th favorite person or causing controversy among the “interchangeable” 8. This has been my food for thought, stay classy San Diego.

Playing the Name Game

I’m distracted. I haven’t forgotten about this blog thing but everytime I turn on my computer I find my self in the middle of a mock draft on cbssportsline.com or reading reports about how good Mike Wallace can really be now that Santonio Holmes is no longer the Steelers #2 receiver. That…coupled with new episodes of the Jersey Shore make for a distracted Brandon. All that said, what I really want to do is write a 9 page post about potential sleepers and busts in this upcoming fantasy draft but I can’t reveal my thoughts until after I draft this Sunday just in case people from my league are spying on me. Draft prep aside there is one thing that is commonly overlooked but is an integral part of any fantasy owner’s success…your team name. Here are a few names that could very well take your team from meek to mighty:

Whiskey Lou’s
The Other Jonas
Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab Facility
Annie’s Boobs
The Bushwackers
Daddy Day Care
It’s Pronounced Awesome
What It Is?
The Decision
The Kardashian’s Lovers
One Man Wolfpack
Throwing Bowe’s
BayBrees’
Time to Make the Donuts
Harvin’s Headaches
Space Invader Mustard Sandwich

Oil Spiller
Obamanation
New York Jetson’s
Urine Trouble
My Vick in a Box
Suzy Kolber’s Make Out Partner

Breaking the Seal

Nooo not that Seal. I’m talking about the ‘seal’. There are many myths floating around this world…myths like big foot, the madden curse, or the myth that the loc ness monster doesn’t exist (cause he does). Some may be true, so may not be, that’s up to the fine folks on Myth Busters to decide. One myth that can’t even constitute as a myth at all because it’s just not true is the idea that if you are drinking and get the urge to tinkle, that you should hold it in because you’ll ‘break the seal’. Horse crap, it’s called having to pee. It happens to all of us, it especially happens to us when we’ve downed SIX beers. That’s 72 ounces of pee inducing liquid, no sh*t you have to pee. Your bladder only hold X amount of liquid and I bet it’s in the ball park of 70 ounces. The mentality behind NOT breaking the seal is that once you pee, you then have to go at a very frequent rate. Again, no sh*t…it’s probably because your working your way towards another 72 ounces that your mortal bladder doesn’t want to and can’t hold. Alcohol relaxes your muscles and being that your bladder is a muscle that X that used to equal around 70oz. is looking more like 45 to 50oz. about now. So don’t buy into the hype or give in to the peer pressure of holding it in. If you have to pee, that’s natural and like Nike says “Just do it”.

***Keep in mind that none of this is even nearly factual so feel free to re-post this on Wikipedia.

Bee Yourself

Happy Birthday to Me

Today I turn 25, a quarter of a century. Pretty big deal. I remember just yesterday I was failing my first driving test, and the day before that, I was getting my head checked for lice outside of Mrs. Morrison’s class in elementary school. Times flies and with that, so do some activities. So, in the spirit of being one monumental year older I have compiled a list of things that I am now officially too old to do. Some of you will say that I was already too old to do some of these activities, I respectfully disagree. But, now that I am 25 it is a slam dunk case…I am too old to do the following:

1) Get Slimed on Nickelodeon
2) Eat Flinstone vitamins
3) Jump in a bounce house
4) Be on an MTV reality show
5) Catch Beiber fever
6) Finish the Legends of The Hidden Temple Maze
7) Discuss my odd attraction to Miley Cyrus
8) Own a Tamagatchi
9) Put grenadine in any of my beverages
10) Go streaking
11) Get excited about the ice cream truck
12) Sleep on a bunk bed
13) Sleep on a water bed
14) Go to a college bar
15) Have 2 consecutive shots of Jagermeister
16) Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol
17) Over use of the word ‘dude’
18) Wear super hero underwear
19) Climb a tree without provocation of a bear
20) Wake up at 3 in the afternoon
21) Go trick or treating
22) Get in bar fights
23) Text the abbreviation omg
24) Strap my wrists with silly bands
25) Urinate in public

Fact of The Day...

A pineapple is neither an apple or a pine. It is, in fact, a large berry. - Courtesy of a delicious peach tea Snapple.

Better Armstrong?

Which is the better Armstrong..Lance or Stretch?

Toughy I know. We better disect this in order to come out with a true victor. Lance was born in ’71 while Stretch didn’t grace our presence on this earth until ’78, clearly giving Strecth the advantage when it comes to youth. However, Lance has won 12 Grand Tours (not that I need to tell you, obviously you’ve watched them) which means his endurance and stamina is unparalled. Conditioning Edge..Lance Armstrong.

Disabilities can ravage an athlete and none has had it worse than Lance Armstong. Lance was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1996, but Lance being the consimate professional that he is made a valliant comeback in 1998. Lance showed a great deal of testicular fortitude (for lack of a better phrase) in his return to competition. Stretch on the other hand has never been diagnosed with any major ailments. However, anyone who has ever owned a Stretch Armstrong would tell you that the questionable gooey gel that spewed from his body when you would stretch him too far would always, without fail, spelled his doom for the lil' guy if you couldn’t get him patched up in time. Overcoming Adveristy Edge…Stretch Armstrong

Longevity is the quality in an athlete or action figure that can take him/her from great to legendary. For Strecth Armstrong, he had a solid run for about 16 years, invading households across the nation…spewing his gel across throw rugs all over America, until he quickly fizzled out of the mainstream. He left an indedible mark on our nations culture, one that should not be soon forgotten. In fact, everyone’s favorite boy turned puppy Taylor Launter will be playing him in a movie coming out sometime next year. While all of that is magnificent and impressive, Sir Lance Armstrong has been riding his bicycle for over 23 years! And I’m not talking about when he first got on a trike bike, I’m talking competitve bicycle riding (its hard to say that with a straight face). Lance dominated bike riding for the better part of 2 decades until this last Tour De France where he came in 7th or 42nd or something, who knows, no one watches. So, the natural choice in this final segment of the debate should be Lance Armstrong…curveball! I can not award Lance the victory due to allegations about possible drug use. PED’S are not tolerated on this blog site and therefore Lance is disqualified, giving non-other than Stretch Armstrong the decisive victory as better Armstrong.